At Catalyst Conference 2012, Lysa TerKeurst, author of Unglued, discussed making wise choices during conflict.
When we have relationships, we have conflict. Absence of conflict doesn’t indicate healthy relationships. Knowing how to handle conflict determines if your relationships will be healthy.
Conflict either makes us feel exposed or opposed.
4 Reactions to Conflict
- The one that blames others.
There is a big difference between attacking the issue and attacking the person. Proverbs 10:19 says, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” - The one that shames themself.
When an exploder reacts, their outburst often shames themself. Proverbs 12:16 says, “The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.” - The one who builds barriers.
Stuffers try to feel safe, so they stuff their conversations with lies and excuses to avoid conflict. It is difficult, but they need to communicate honestly and clearly and set boundaries. Boundaries open up a relationship for intimacy. Barriers prevent growth. Proverbs 10:18,21 says, “The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool… The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of sense.” - The one who collects retaliation rocks.
If you collect proof of wrong doing, that proof will eventually rot you. Proverbs 10:14 says, “The wise lay up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near.” Collect real knowledge not assumptions.
Our feelings are not bad. God gave us feelings so that we can nurture life not destroy it.
What if instead on running around exploding and panicking, we just kept our eyes on Jesus the Master. You might not always be able to be patient by nature, but you can be patient by obedience. You might not always be able to be kind by nature, but you can be kind by obedience.
Special thanks to Skylark Audio Video for covering my travel expenses so that I can live blog the conference for you.
