QUESTION:
What are parents looking for when they visit a church?

My friend says in the past parents were concerned about what a church had to offer their kids and would sacrifice their own interests. He also says today parents are more interested in satisfying their needs.

I don’t know that I agree with this. I see a majority of parents today, more than before, that sacrifice to make sure their kids are taken care of. I think it was true in the past but even truer today.
- James

ANSWER:
There is no black and white answer because there is no universal style of parenting.

Parenting styles vary by culture (i.e., age, race, religion, income, location, education, career, etc.) as well as each parent’s unique personality. It is the infusion of these variables that influence and usually determine each parent’s priorities.

NOT A PRIORITY SHIFT BUT AN INCREASE OF EXPECTATIONS

I believe a greater percentage of parents are looking to find a church that meets both their needs and their kids needs.

I do not think there has been a priority shift. Rather, I believe that parents have increased their expectations.

As technology advances, we become accustomed to having more options and customization, which consequently, causes us to have more expectations. Two centuries ago, parents were likely content to have a church to attend and thrilled if it was the “right” denomination. Obviously, parents have more expectations today.

Parents choosing a church is similar to buying a house. A home buyer may be looking for a home with walk-in closets and a two-car garage, but they may choose a home that is neither because they fall in love with the kitchen.

Some parents want a church that has a great children’s ministry, but they may choose a church because of the congregation’s friendliness or the pastor’s preaching. And other parents may want a church with great small groups, but they may choose a church because the children’s ministry loves their kids and teaches them valuable lessons.

SO WHAT DO PARENTS WANT?

Each parent has their own mix of “wants,” but here is a list of things that every parent seems to like:

• A children’s ministry that makes their kids feel loved.
• A children’s ministry and church with good security.
• A children’s ministry that effectively teaches their kids valuable lessons.
• A children’s ministry that is fun and “wows” their kids.
• A friendly church.
• A church with good preaching.
• A church with good worship.
• A church that makes it easy to make friends.
• A church that offers opportunities to get involved.

For Discussion:
- What do you think parents want in a church?

If you have a question you want Church Relevance to answer, submit it via our Q+A form.

MondayMorningInsight.com has a list of 7 poor communication skills for church leaders to avoid. Poor communication skills are one of the quickest ways to burn bridges and make people think you don’t care about them. In ministry, how you treat people outside of the pulpit is often more important than what you say when you are in the pulpit. So here they are:

7 Poor Communication Skills to Avoid

1. Contacting others only when you need something.
2. Not following up, or closing the loop.
3. Not returning telephone calls or email messages.
4. Foregoing basic courtesy.
5. Not listening.
6. Telling lies.
7. Spewing chronic negativity.

For more discussion on each of the seven areas, read the original post at MondayMorningInsight.com. This week, purpose to improve your communication skills and how you treat people. Even if you are already a pro, there is always room for improvement.

I just finished reading Jim & Casper Go to Church by Jim Henderson and Matt Casper, and it became an instant favorite. It features two guys touring and rating churches across the Unites States. What makes it especially interesting is that one of them is a former pastor (Jim) and the other one is an atheist (Casper).

It is a great read for making you think. It is a reminder that how you perceive your ministry may not be the same as how those you minister to perceive it. It makes you consider why you do what you do and question if there is a better way to do your ministry. In the foreword, George Barna opens the book saying,

Few religious leaders or churches have any idea what it’s like for an outsider to try to break into the holy huddle. Most churched people have been so immersed in the church world that they have completely lost touch with what it is like to come through the church door and try to fit into a place that has very distinct habits, language, goals, events, titles, architecture, traditions, expectations, and measurements.

I was particularly intrigued by Matt Casper’s perspective (that of a musician and an atheist). Here are a few highlights from his insight:

On slick worship music -

[Jim: "On a scale of 1 to 5, how do you rate the music?"]

Two stars. That’s all I can do for you here.

For presentation and professionalism, they get a 4 or a 5, but the music is too contrived, too slick, too professional, really.

[Jim: "But that's a good thing, no? That should attract people, right?"]

Maybe people who like American Idol. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I see the entertainment value, but when it comes to music, I like it pure. Too much polish and you lose the heartfelt power, you lose the soul of the music, and you’re not going to move anyone.

On fancy staging  -

These guys are actually helping people, and the diversity of the attendees seems to be representative of the urban area where they are located.

I can relate to this part of the church, but I don’t understand why they need to do the big show. Why don’t they just help people and call it good? Why the fog machine, camera crane, multiple screens, PowerPoint, and the lights, lights, lights?

I think the light show and all that, for me anyway, does less to attract and connect me than to disconnect me.

On song lyrics -

[What bothered me is] the massive disconnect between the words on the PowerPoint projection and the stuff I saw in the church.

On good deeds -

To someone like me who doesn’t believe there is a literal God that we’re going to meet someday up in the sky, a God that can’t be proven otherwise… well, to me, proof of good deeds.. count more than anything. That’s evidence that you are following what anybody can read in the Bible.

Even though I don’t believe in God, I see evidence of the idea of God being a good thing…

On the modern church -

What does the way Christianity is practiced today have anything to do with the handful of words and deeds uttered by a man who walked the earth two thousand years ago?

These are just a few of the many thoughts Casper transparently shares throughout the book as he and Jim visit churches like Saddleback Church, Mosaic Church, Willow Creek Community Church, Mars Hill Church, Lakewood Church, and The Potter’s House. So what’s the point of the book? Jim Henderson concludes with this:

Unless we’re willing to remove the handles from the front doors of our churches and publicly say to outsiders, “We don’t care what you think,” the church must become more reflective and repentant about how outsiders perceive us.

Become self-aware.

According to LifeWay Research, 7% of Americans are formerly churched. Only 6% of this segment is interested in returning to their previous church. And if they do finally visit a church, here is how willing they are to be noticed:

• 11% would be willing to identify themselves as a visitor when visiting a church for the first time
• 63% prefer to wait until at least the second visit to let anyone know they are visiting
• 26% desire to slip in and casually introduce themselves after the service

Scott McConnell, associate director of LifeWay Research explains:

Their desire for a welcoming church environment is not satisfied when members suddenly act nice as they learn someone is a visitor. It should come as no surprise that the formerly churched prefer to size up the church before they identify themselves as a visitor.

The larger a church is, the more difficult it is to identify who is a visitor, particularly when visitors wish to remain anonymous. Thus, it is important that churches are continually thinking about how they can create a friendlier culture, while maintaining their authenticity.

[via Monday Morning Insight]

A number of churches equip their greeters and first impressions team with umbrellas to escort church attendants during rainy Sundays. Now a better umbrella exists thanks to European designers. The SENZ umbrella claims to be the first umbrella that will never go inside-out. At the moment, the SENZ umbrella is only available in the European Union, but they are working to expand their distribution to the United States.

Related Resource: the double umbrella

[via CoolBusinessIdeas.com]

Rick Warren of Saddleback Church (Lake Forest, CA) recently shared with The Christian Post six physical factors about church buildings that affect a worship service. Here is a summary:

1. Lighting
   Lighting has a profound effect on people’s moods. Inadequate lighting dampens the spirit of a service. Shadows across a speaker’s face reduce the impact of any message.
2. Sound
   It doesn’t matter how persuasive the message is if people can’t hear it in a pleasing manner. A tinny, fuzzy sound system can undermine the most gifted musician and incapacitate the most profound preacher. And nothing can destroy a holy moment faster than a loud blast of feedback!
3. Seating
   Both the comfort and the arrangement of your seating dramatically affect the mood of any service. The mind can only absorb what the seat can endure! Uncomfortable seating is a distraction that the Devil loves to use.
4. Temperature
   The temperature can destroy the best planned service in a matter of minutes! When people are too hot or too cold they simply stop participating in a service. They mentally check-out and start hoping for everything to end quickly.
5. Clean, Safe Nurseries
   If you want to reach young families, you’ve got to have sanitized and safe nurseries. There should be no mop-buckets in the corners and the toys should be cleaned each week.
6. Clean Restrooms
   Visitors may forget your sermon but the memory of a foul smelling restroom lingers on … and on … and on! You can tell a lot about the morale of a church by checking out the quality of the restrooms.

Without question environment and atmospherics influence people’s behavior. But it is also worth noting that the quality of environment needed for a church to effectively reach someone is largely dependent on the average quality of life to which that person is accustomed.

In third world countries, people rarely are bothered by the quality of a sound system, and just having one is impressive enough. When I went to Africa, hot temperatures were expected. When I lived in Peru, strange restroom smells were considered normal. In these circumstances, less than ideal environments did not affect the impact of ministry because they were expected.

It comes down to the expectations of the people you want to reach. Although the United States has its share of poor areas, most U.S. churches are trying to reach people with high expectations compared to the rest of the world. And if your church is trying to reach the affluent who are accustomed to posh restrooms, there is a good chance that anything less than posh will turn them off.

The bottom line is:
Know who you are trying to reach and create an environment one step above their expectations.

Craig Groeschel recently discussed the harsh reality that many people who visit your church may not come for the preaching or to grow spiritually but for reasons such as:

• Because the church is close to their home.
• Because the church offers a Saturday evening worship time that fits their schedule.
• Because their three year old loves the teacher.
• Because the church has a mother’s day out.
• Because the church has a cute and single band member.
• Because the church service doesn’t last for half the day.
• Because someone remembers their name.

In a fast paced-Western culture, convenience and benefits are big influencers on how people spend their time. Having a user-friendly church in and of itself will not transform people spiritually, but it will attract people so that they can here a message that will.

Creating Passionate Users recently discussed the problems with products that are so complex that users never learn how to use most of their features. They pose the question, “How many things do you own where you can’t use more than 10% of what they can actually can do?” They discuss how home stereos, cell phones, and digital cameras users have a tendency to stay “stuck” in “Program Mode” - just using the default settings.

But what about your church? How many people attending your church are stuck simply attending? How easy is it for people to get involved in the heart of your church’s community and to use it to its full potential? How useful and valuable is your church in people’s lives?

Creating Passionate Users offers four questions to ask to determine if a company’s product has usability problems. Let’s change those questions to apply to your church so that you can determine how usable your church is.

1. Are we focused too much on “church” rather than the needs of the people our church wants to reach? Is your church offering solutions to its congregation’s problems? Are you giving them something practical, or have you become stuck in meaningless tradition or pursuing obscure dogma? Usable churches try their best to minister to the needs of the people they want to reach.
2. Is our church too hard to use? If your church has poor signage and little organization, it does not make it easy for people to attend or get involved. Even the best organized and designed churches have areas to improve. Don’t reach a point where you are comfortable, but constantly look for ways to better serve people. View your church through the eyes of your guests.
3. Do we encourage/support a church community that emphasizes growing spiritually? Well organized church communities ensure that church members don’t just attend church but apply God’s Word in their lives. A church without community offers no accountability for those who attend to actually apply to their lives what they learn in church. Community motivates users.
4. Do we train our church members how to practically apply what they learn in church and become involved in furthering the church’s vision? Explain to your church how they can apply Biblical truths to their lives, and explain to them how they can become involved in supporting the church’s vision. Preaching the Bible is great, but teaching people how to use it is even better.