Ministry is a privilege that comes with a heightened level of accountability. To help you avoid compromising situations, consider the following five rules from Christianity Today:
- I will not, under any circumstances, ride alone in a car with a female other than my wife or an immediate family member.
- I do not counsel a woman in a closed room or more than once.
- I do not stay alone in a hotel overnight.
- I speak often and publicly of my affection for my wife, when she’s present and when she’s not.
Marriages that are failing often become silent in public before they become loudly negative. If a pastor neglects publicly affirming his wife, it may reveal a private deterioration of that relationship. - Compliment the character or the conduct, not the coiffure or the clothing.
These are five great examples of rules that you should have for yourself to help keep you morally accountable. You don’t have to use these same rules, but be sure that you establish some guidelines of conduct.
What rules would you add to the list?
I wonder if Jesus would have had the experience he had with the woman at the well if he played it safe like this. I’m not saying that I am ready to take risks, but I have worked with teens in the church and there are just times that don’t allow for these rules to work. More than once I have felt compromised in the boundaries I have set for myself and my staff. Still, it is a good idea.
I think that rule 3 would be a good idea for a lot of men in ministry, as that kind of freedom can be a temptation. And rule 4 is should be more than a suggestion, but an essential part of the public persona of a man in ministry. However, I don’t really agree with rules 1, 2 and 5. These have more to do with perception. This is a discussion I’ve had before with other men wanting to “avoid the appearance of evil”. Society has sexualized everything. I can’t have a close female friend that at my church because people will “talk”? This is a shame. I refuse to allow the worldly perception of my actions define my morality. My wife trusts me, and I trust God to give me the strength to behave myself.
How would it have changed what happened at the well? Jesus didn’t drive her to the well… He also didn’t compliment her outfit.
I’m all for killing unnecessary rules, but I don’t see your point here.
I think this is the way to go for sure. You’re not playing it safe as much as you are living with boundaries set in place and making those boundaries known. My dad, who is the pastor of a large church has lived by these standards throughout his ministry, and I have huge respect and admiration for the boundaries that he has set in place to protect himself, and his staff, and his family. It probably means a lot to my mom too.
Hey Josh,
I do see your concern about point number 2. This except fails to finish qualifying the author’s point. I read the entire article and he says that if he does counsel a women more than once he will have his wife or another member of the pastoral staff with him and I think that’s an excellent idea and quite admirable. (Reference 1 Timothy 5:19).
As far as the whole perception thing. You’re right the world has sexualized everything. Although I disagree with your conclusion and its basis. You said, “I refuse to allow the worldly perception of my actions define my morality” I want you to know that I’m not trying to judge, but I think for believers, especially pastors and leaders need to heed to 1 Timothy 3:7 which speaks to the fact that we need to be above reproach from those outside the church i.e. wicked men, though they dislike the principles and profession of godly ministers, and despise their office, yet cannot but speak well of their becoming life and conversation.
God’s standard supercedes that of the world’s and it says we need to conduct ourselves in a manner which places us above the world’s reproach. So that our witness to the world isn’t hindered by the world. That’s God’s standard, not the world’s and one must allow the Holy Spirit to lead them in walking this out.
Just my two cents.