3 Microtrends that are Reshaping Singles Ministry
In his book Microtrends, Mark J. Penn discusses over 70 microtrends that are emerging in U.S. culture. There are three microtrends, in particular, that I think are reshaping the way churches must approach singles ministry. Here is a brief overview of each microtrend using excerpts from the book.
- Surplus of Single Women
Issue:
There are too few straight men for all the straight women… at least 3 percent of [women] are going to be left.
Why:
- There are 90,000 more boys born every year than girls. But by the time those kids turn 18, the sex ratio has shifted a full point the other way to 51 to 49, because more boys die in puberty than girls.
- Gay men outnumber lesbians in America by approximately 2 to 1. If you subtract them from the already lopsided numbers of overall men and women, you get… a straight sex ratio of 53 to 47.
Related Trend:
A related trend, given the rise of single women, is the number of women bearing or adopting children without a partner - known as Single Mothers by Choice. In the early 1990s… there were only about 50,000 such Moms in America. Now there are an estimated three times that many.
- Cougars (women who date younger men)
Issue:
One in three women between 40 and 69 is dating a younger man, and about one-quarter of those men are ten or more years younger.
Why:
- High divorce rates combined with longer life spans means a greater likelihood of women’s reentering the dating market.
- [According to Match.com] between 2002 and 2005, men interested in dating women five or more years older increased 44 percent. Those interested in a ten-or-more-year difference doubled. - Online Dating
Issue:
Nearly 1 in 4 single Americans who are looking for a romantic partner use the 1,000 or more dating Web sites out there. That includes almost 1 in 5 Americans in their 20s, and 1 in 10 Americans in their 30s or 40s.
Why:
- 61 percent of online Americans do not consider online dating “desperate.”
- Nearly half of online Americans think Internet dating is a good way to meet people.
- 17 percent of online daters - or nearly 3 million American adults - have turned online dates into a long-term relationship or marriage. That’s exactly the same number of couples in America who say they met in church.
In other words, the typical singles ministry is likely to be reaching more women than men. And these singles are not just twenty-somethings but include older ages, even senior citizens. Despite the age gap, some of those singles are willing to date significantly older or younger people.
Singles ministry is no longer just about young adults, and while its demographic makeup continues to widen, I have to wonder if its perceived value and allure of dating opportunities will lessen as more singles make their way onto the Internet to find love.
For more insights on each microtrend, read the book Microtrends by Mark J. Penn.
FOR DISCUSSION:
- Do you think these microtrends or any other trends affect the way modern singles ministry should be done?
- If so, how can the church more effectively reach singles?
riddle Said,
January 24, 2008 @ 9:50 am
hey kent, we need to have lunch some time and catch up.
on topic…
i didn’t know churches still did singles ministry. I just haven’t heard of it in a long long time.
honest Said,
January 24, 2008 @ 10:42 am
Honestly, dating is a big motivation for me to attend college/young-adult ministries, like I’m going to tonight.
I feel guilty about this, but I don’t know where else to meet Christian girls (don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the pastor there too). And I think web dating things are for dorks (like myself?).
I’m 26 and getting too old for the “college” ministry.
I don’t know what “singles ministry” is, although I think my dad did that in his 40’s. Him and other middle-aged singles would hang-out and do stuff. That seems creepier than online match finding to me.
Very interesting. I think dating is a large motivation for young men to go to these groups. Although I do see a rise in online dating, and I think it’s becoming more normal, I have a hard time admitting that it will cut-into attendance (but it probably will)
honest Said,
January 24, 2008 @ 10:44 am
How to better reach singles:
Speed dating night?
Specific events for guys and girls to connect?
Stronger teaching/culture of proper relationships, greater acknowledgement/discussion of the need to find someone
Read Scott Said,
January 24, 2008 @ 12:08 pm
Very interesting post. We’re catching a lot of older single women in our church. Most from divorce and some widows. Building something that speaks to them in their life-situation is precarious since we’re trying not accentuate the fact that they’re usually down-and-outers. Thanks for the post.
Alan Said,
January 24, 2008 @ 3:07 pm
Well, as much as I agree with Christian singles meeting other singles within the church, why do the singles outreaches need to be geared so much toward getting people together romantically? The problem with focusing so much on romance is that people don’t come to hear the Gospel, which supposed to be the reason for going to church right?
Dave Said,
January 25, 2008 @ 12:33 am
For me, as a male in my early thirties, I struggle with the whole idea of attending a singles group just to meet single women - I guess its that sort of meat-market mentality. I would prefer to just hang with friends or other singles, just because they are fun to hang out with.
Social pressure, especially at church, often forces singles into awkward relationships and possibly marriages that are not always “God’s best”. Maybe God has wants me to have a relationship with a young widow or a divorced mom, because sometimes they need to know that there are still good guys out there.
Its an interesting post with no wrong answers.
Kent Shaffer Said,
January 25, 2008 @ 10:02 am
Riddle - Yes, singles ministries still do exist although I think some now operate under the guise of a College & Career ministry (which leaves out older singles).
Alan & Dave - I don’t like the thought either of a singles ministry being driven by romance, but fortunately, I don’t think that is the focus of most singles ministries. Most, I’d say, are focused on spiritual topics that are relevant to single life. Quite often this includes discussions about healthy dating relationships because reality is that is what most singles think about. Because dating is at the forefront of quite a few singles’ minds, the “romance” factor is just a natural motivation for them to attend, just like Honest said in his first comment.
On a side note - It seems like the majority of singles ministries are geared towards young adults, but as the demographics and culture of single life continue to change, I expect that stereotype to change.
j a n Said,
January 30, 2008 @ 1:30 am
These are exactly the sorts of trends the church must think about and begin to deal with. Treating a singles’ ministry like a waiting room for marriage is just dishonest, in an age where many women will never marry because there are just not enough men to go around. I suggested several considerations for the church, in a series called “Church and the Single Life”:
http://www.theviewfromher.com/index.php?/archives/2005/08/12.html
Gary Sweeten Said,
February 8, 2008 @ 11:39 pm
Any church that does not target males is missing the boat in a big way. The lack of males who are in Christ and in church is depressingly low. Why, church is too feminine.
Grace W Said,
April 2, 2008 @ 3:22 am
We have to acknowledge the current trends in our society today and understand how they are affecting the singles in our church. I believe we need to be relevant but we have be wise about what’s good or bad for the singles in our church. We need to educate them in dealing with such trends and help them make wise decisions.
When I took over the Singles ministry in my church about ten years ago, I faced resistance from singles who thought we were nothing more than a matchmaking agency and on the other hand, we had to deal with singles who joined in for the “wrong” reasons. After much prayer and under the guidance of a wise pastor, we began to look into the needs of the singles. We asked ourselves these: What are the issues or concerns they have? Is it loneliness? Need for friendship? Biological clock ticking away? Sexual? Peer pressure? etc. Next, we evaluated the current ministry objectives and found them to be insufficient and irrelevant. So, we drew up new ones with the goal of bringing wholesomeness to the single who joins in. Through our activities, events or talks, we began to help singles focus on their relationship with God first and we provided them a safe environment to form healthy relationships with one another. We should be careful whom we place to oversee the ministry. This person, whether he or she is single or married, must always bring balance to the ministry and to the lives of the singles. We cannot have someone who only advocates singlehood or marriage and neglect the other one.
Online dating, speed dating, etc. are preferably not encouraged because of the dangers and disadvantages attached to it but we have to accept that these are here to stay for now. So, how do we deal with it? We have to present the pros & cons of each trend to our singles and address their needs so that they can make wise decisions for themselves. We should encourage singles to be accountable to a mature leader or pastor who can guide them through the “dating” process.
Grace W Said,
April 2, 2008 @ 5:31 am
I forgot to mention earlier that singles from other churches who have heard about us through their friends or friends from our church have joined our activities/events and we welcomed them with open arms.
We have more singles from other churches than our own singles participating in our activities. It goes to show that many churches do not have a Singles Ministry and these singles want to belong to a place where they can also receive care besides fellowship. However, we do not encourage church-hopping or sheep-stealing.
As (friendship) evangelism is one of the ministry objectives, we encourage Christian singles to invite their non-Christian friends to our events. We also follow-up occassionally with informal outings or events focused on friendship building.
There are several singles from other churches who are very active in their own ways and we would help one another to disseminate info on future activities to the singles in our database.
Mary Said,
April 13, 2008 @ 8:10 am
I just started a Catholic Single Adult Ministry in my Church in September of 07. As to date we have 10 members ranging from 26 to 60 years old. We also include other Parishes within our Diocease and is open to any one who is single whether they are divorces, widowed or seperated. Right now the woman out number the guys from 9-1. All we are looking for is to help the community, more in the spiritural and have our social. None of us at the present time are looking for a mate.
Thanks for listening.
Mary
Liz Said,
April 15, 2008 @ 4:25 pm
I discovered this site/blog doing thesis research today. Your findings are true. People are marrying later if at all. There is a significant surplus of women in the singles category and the church is taking differing approaches based on denominations. While spiritual should always be the emphasis a gap is developing here some may not recognize. The church pews are primarily filled by people marrying within a denomination and having children. LDS has always promoted “meet” markets because of their doctrines. Catholics now jumping on the internet band wagon are buying bulk rate online dating memberships to church approved sites to encourage people to marry in the Catholic church. What ultimate long term effect will there be on the conservative protestants if we sit three churches apart and never meet? The percentage of investment in singles is too small considering they are now the leading number of heads of households Thought: Why not encourage spirituality and passion to marry? It’s working for the LDS their stats are turning around.